Baby Makes 4.: The Hardest Thing I've Ever Done.

The real reason I didn't get around to blogging before my leave was over was that well, we had a rough start. Parenthood knocked Joe and I are on our asses. It was, and still is, the hardest thing we've ever done.

The first two weeks after Miles was born, Joe's mom Sandi was in town from Michigan along with my mom. First of all, let me just say - we could not have done it without them. Period. It was the most emotional either of us have ever been in our lives. It was the most physically and emotionally exhausted I have ever been. I truly had moments where I thought I could not do it. Thankfully, we had Sandi and Sammy - the dream team - to pull both Joe and I out of our depressions.

The reasons for our rough start were due to the following:

colic - in. intense. Miles started his colic period during the second week and would just cry and cry.
sleep deprivation - in. tense. Joe & I were more set in our ways than we realized before Miles arrived. Evidently, we need our sleep more than we thought because it rocked our world running off of fumes.
recovery - I had to recover from the delivery. It took shorter than anticipated but hurt in a different way than I expected. I had to get stitches and was just sore in my muscles, sore in my spine from the epidural. Just sore in general.
breastfeeding - NIGHTMARE! I have actually grown to really love those moments when I get to nurse him and bond with him. They are some of my favorite times together. But at first, it was awful. AWFUL! I was in so much pain, frustrated, crying all of the time, no sleep. Truly, terrible. After I healed from those first two weeks, we really got the hang of it.
change - Joe & I have been together for 7 years and lived together for 4 years. We are used to each other, our idiosyncracies. We love our friends. We love our life. We love each other's company. Even though Miles was not planned, he was a part of the plan. Or so we think! But the initial change of our entire lives was a shock to the system and inevitably changed our relationship. I think our connection is deeper now. We are learning to work as a team. Every day there is a challenge but it is really a work in progress... a masterpiece in fact.
baby blues - real and terrifying, I felt very depressed after two weeks and having Joe go back to work. I felt overwhelmed and out of control. Thanks to my friends and mom, I was able to see that it was just a hormonal imbalance that eventually corrected itself and I eventually got back to feeling like myself. Special thanks to Virginia for texting me back at all hours and being encouraging throughout!

Anyway, after about 5-6 weeks I started to feel like I could get a handle of my emotions finally. To be sure, it was a rough ride. But we love him more every day and he of course is so so so worth every awful moment of frustration or pain.